What You Need To Know For Better Sex
Talking about sex is less of a taboo today, as women speak up more about their bodies and want when it comes to activities in bed. But, we also found out that many women are still unsure about what they can do to experience more pleasure during sex. So, we turned to Andrea K., a sexologist at Vibrance Pelvic Care Centre, for answers that are beyond the usual sex cliches.
Q: What is the biggest concern for women over 40 when it comes to sex?
A: Usually, what we notice is that there is a lack of sex by that age. We’ve also had clients who see us and complain about sex being painful. This pain could be caused by dryness due to a lack of lubrication. As you age, your hormones will reduce, especially by the age of 40 to 50.
Q: In Asian culture, vaginal tightness is linked to sexual pleasure. What is your comment on this?
A: In my opinion, this idea of vaginal tightness stems from the notion of virginity. There is often misconception that after giving birth, a woman’s vagina becomes loose. Yes, it does get loose because of our pelvic floor muscles, but we can actually tighten it with exercise, without going for surgery or laser treatments. We do have many married couples who come to us and ask if we offer treatments to tighten the vagina. This may be chalked up to the perception that if our vagina is not tight, our husband will not enjoy having sex with us, and will look for another woman. But rest assured, you can tighten your vagina in a safe way.
Q: Is vaginal tightness linked to female orgasm?
A: To be frank, vaginal orgasm isn’t as common as other types of orgasms, such as clitoral orgasm. And despite many women believing you can only orgasm with intercourse, most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, such as through oral sex. Intercourse is usually more for the man to get pleasure. And yes, when your vagina is tighter, you do feel more sensation because we have a G spot inside our vagina. So if your man does hit the right spot, you can become sexually aroused and get an orgasm.
Q: What can women do to heighten sexual pleasure for herself?
A: One thing I usually share with my clients is to communicate with their husband. Tell him what you like, because women tend to have this mindset that a guy would know what to do to her. But men and women have different body parts. So, don’t depend on your guy to know what to do. If you like clitorial stimulation, for example, you need to express to him how you like it to be done. By keeping quiet, you may feel dissatisfied after a while. We have clients who, when asked, will admit that they do not share with their spouse what they like and do not like in bed, although they’ve been married for years. They often choose to just stay quiet or avoid sex.
Q: Besides helping with sexual pleasure, do kegels also have health benefits?
A: Kegels help with our pelvic floor muscles, and unfortunately, not many women know about these muscles, which help support our bladder, uterus, rectum and backbone. And its also where our vaginal tunnel is located. So when you do kegel exercises, you’re strengthening your pelvic floor muscles. This can assist you in holding your bladder, and also in controlling your vagina. How this helps is that during sex, you can contract the vagina and make it ‘tighter’. Strong pelvic floor muscles will also help to reduce back pain.
Q: How can women with health conditions still enjoy a good sex life?
A: Women who experience painful sex due to endometrosis or fibroids, or those suffering from a critical illness, should always check with their doctor what they can or can’t do sexually. You should also discuss, with your partner, other sexual acts to explore together. Many people still assume that sex is intercourse, but sex also includes other pleasurable acts, such as oral sex. If intercourse is too painful for you due to menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness, perhaps change positions or do more oral sex instead. As long as there is still physical interaction and intimacy between you and your spouse, you can help each other achieve pleasure.
Q: How can husbands assist wives in having more sexual pleasure?
A: Wives today are often multi-tasking and tired by the end of the day. What husbands can do is to help women around the household. Men often do not notice that if they help ease the burden of wives at home, then their wives would have more energy to have sex. And of course, communication. Ask your wife what makes her aroused. Husbands often neglect these small acts.
Q: How does good sex help a relationship, physically and emotionally?
A: Sex helps in maintaining a relationship as it’s part of intimacy, which gives us the feeling of being love. When there is a lack of it, other parts of your relationship may become strained and you may feel less need to put in more effort. For example, if a wife often declines sex with her husband, he may feel rejected and unloved after awhile. This will then cause the wife to become worried, as she’ll sense the tension.
This article is also available at HerInspirasi.